tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
