is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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