You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Porn is love you can see.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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