What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
