In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
