I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
