So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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