This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize