I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
