don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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