apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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