just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
