He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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