No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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