I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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