Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
