Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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