I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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