I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
