Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize