I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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