I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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