Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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