just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
