Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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