I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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