my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
