who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize