out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
