omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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