Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
