Don't make out with my wife yet
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
