I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
