I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
