He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
