Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
