I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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