is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
