You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
