Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
