she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
