Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
