If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
