I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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