I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
