i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
