The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
