Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
