What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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