I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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