i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
