what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
