He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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