guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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