Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
