I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
