her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
