My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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