whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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