I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
