Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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