i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i think i just lost a toe
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
