you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize