Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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