I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize