Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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