The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
