Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize